I’ve hinted a few times now that I will no longer be hiding my deconversion. I won’t actively share the podcast episodes with people pre-emptively, but I will defiantly share it with them if the right conversation takes place face to face.
I had my parents over this weekend, they come over to see us and they looked after the boys so that my wife and I could get out for a couple of hours and have a nice time together, just the two of us.
It’s nice to be reminded from time to time how lucky I am to have a family who will come and help us out every now and then, that love is given for nothing less than because we are family.
I was talking to my wife over some rather lovely American style pancakes, saying that every time I see my parents, I get nervous. This is because I want them to know where I am currently at with my faith, but I don’t know how to have the conversation without causing them pain and making it really hard for us all.
I know they will worry that I am going to hell if they find out I don’t believe, and although I don’t actually believe in hell, it doesn’t mean that the pain and worry my parents feel won’t be real in and of itself.
We’ve recently had some trouble with our roof leaking, finding out the other day that we have a cracked lintel under one of the upstairs windows in our house. The has led to a wall upstairs getting really damp and the lounge roof leaking in when the rain and wind come from a certain direction.
When I got the price for the work, I gave my parents a ring, because I know they care and want to be informed of issues like this. My Dad did the same thing with his Mum (my Grandma), letting her know of big costs and problems so that she could help if she wanted to. He didn’t do this to take her money, but because she cared, wanted to help and would have been upset to know after the events that she didn’t get the chance to at least know what is going on.
I do the same with my parents, and I hope, genuinely hope, that my wife and I have the same relationship with our children. It makes the need and worry go from financial conversations when things like these come up in life, which they do from time to time.
My parents want to help us with some of the cost of replacing the lintel, they won’t pay for all of it, but they will help towards some of it. I feel so loved, protected and supported by them. They keep coming to our aid when we need them, and it makes me feel amazing. It doesn’t always happen, but if and when they can, they do.
I don’t want to keep my lack of faith from people who love me, care about me and want to know what is going on to support me. So, as I ate those American style pancakes, I asked my wife to help me find the words to tell my parents what I have been going through and where I am now.
That might have been why I left it until they had got their shoes and coats on and were about to go out of the front door before I asked them for five minutes extra of their time.
They sat down and I told them that I wasn’t in a good place with my faith. That I no longer believed and that I had stepped down from leadership within the church. They told me that they sort of already knew, from talking to one of my brothers who I play games with on a semi-regular basis. Now, I haven’t actually updated my brother in any way, so I found it a bit frustrating that they sort of knew from him, who sort of really doesn’t know himself.
I guess that I have changed. That the things I talk about, the way I talk and the things that are important to me have changed over time, as I have deconstructed. I might not have openly stated that I am no longer a believer in the God I used to profess as my Lord and Saviour, but enough has changed over a period of time to make a marked difference.
They had an array of responses in those five minutes. I won’t share them with you in this way, as I want to protect my folks, but there is always a worldview from which we hear, digest and respond to what we are told at any given time.
I wish there was a way to show that they think and behave in a certain way because of their beliefs, and rather than seeing me as now ‘lacking’ or ‘missing’ they could rather see it from my side as to why I am telling them that I have deconverted from Christianity. It was never going to be easy; I don’t think it will ever be easy.
But the first honest conversation with my folks has taken place, with my wife by my side and my boys playing with toys around us. I don’t think it could have gone any better.
Sure, they may want to ask questions, pry and delve in their own time and way. Which I can choose to respond to or leave alone at that time. Until then I will continue to share my story, when it is appropriate to share it, without pushing my agenda and my beliefs in anyone’s face.
_End of Blog Blurb_
Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. It has taken me a few years to get to a place where I am able to share my loss of faith and to start writing about the journey that I am still on for you all. I hope you find it useful.
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Podcast: If you like what you read then you could always check out the podcast ‘When Belief Dies’, it is available on all major podcasting platforms or you can listen/watch via YouTube. I upload and publish via Anchor FM each Wednesday at 7 am. For early access, support me on Patreon.
Grammar, spelling, capitalisation and punctuation: I am massively dyslexic. It has taken me years to get to the level I am currently at with writing and I have done this mainly through reading. I want to be better and ask you, reader, to please forgive any errors in my writing. I hope you notice improvement upon improvement over the coming years.
Time Frame: This blog is roughly twenty-four months behind where I currently am at in my journey out of religion. It’s important to remember that when reading and commenting.
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I’ll see you back here at the same time next week 🙂
When Belief Dies #53 – 'Contours of Hope' with Jim Thring – When Belief Dies
- When Belief Dies #53 – 'Contours of Hope' with Jim Thring
- When Belief Dies #52 – 'An Old Perspective' with John Goldingay
- When Belief Dies #51 – 'Manuscripts and Ancient History' with Bart D. Ehrman
- When Belief Dies #Bonus – 'An Inquisition' with Daniel Kelly & David Ames
- When Belief Dies #50 – 'Magnifying Glasses & Big Pictures' with Esther O'Reilly