Telling All


Strange, I didn’t think I would share everything with those I am friends with on social media. But I have.

Last week, (early Oct 2020) I recorded a podcast episode with Dave and Justin Brierley, in it, I admit that I don’t class myself as an atheist anymore, which is a big moment for me. But I also felt that the conversation really did capture how OK it is to not be sure of what one believes. So I thought this would be a good reason to share the story.

There are a few people on Facebook who really do love me, and putting it up on there is a good way to allow those who want to, to begin to read or listen along.

Here is the post:

The response has been extremely subdued. Dave and I had the following conversation:

Sam: I’ve had super little engagement on FB, but tons of blog engagement (stats of visits/reads are ^^^). Not many podcast hits though, I wonder how long it takes for those stats to update.

Dave: What have been the FB updates?

Dave: The YouTube hits have gone up recently

Sam: I tagged you, just me sharing the latest podcast and a little of the story so people know enough for it to not be ‘wtf’. Realised recently that I wanna do my best to get the podcast into a really good place with guests and open discussions, feels right to invite others into the conversations (at least to listen)

Dave: For sure. I’ll give it a read in a bit

Sam: No pressure to, I guess I just expect more people to give a fuck… guess I was wrong.

Dave: The sad reality which we have spoken about before. People don’t

Sam: Yeah, strange how I keep assuming they do. ha

And I’m not sure people do. We are SO content in our stories and narratives. We focus in on our reach and influence. We get addicted to ‘likes’ and ‘comments’, but do we actually make a difference? What shifts the minds of those we engage with? Posts online, or living lives that express our beliefs?

I’ve had three people contact me (so far – a day later), one via the FB post directly, two via WhatsApp, and that’s it.

What was I expecting? More. I was definitely expecting more. But I’ve been expecting more through all of this. More followers of the blog, more engagement, more people wanting to have honest conversations.

I had a dream when I launched When Belief Dies, that it would be a community of honest reflection, conversation and movement. It seems those pulled to the blog tend to be disgruntled atheists pissed at religion because they think it’s a load of shit. Now, I have a lot of time for these people, so they are more than welcome! But I wanted more.

I don’t want fame, and I don’t think I have the answers. What seems to be evident from how interactions have gone to date is that people won’t leave their self made towers of contentment, both those in and out of religious convictions. We desire comfort and home, whereas I want honesty, even if it’s bleak, wild and cold. I dare not live with a lie when there could be a truth, even if that truth cost it all. Even if searching leads me back to Christ, or into another belief system entirely. Even if I remain a searching agnostic for the rest of my days. I would rather reluctantly follow truth than comfortably resting in a lie, and you can’t tell which is which from the inside of a self-made tower, so what are you waiting for? It’s time to go.


As always, your support enables When Belief Dies to grow, so please consider hitting ‘support’ at the top of this page. You will also find links to the YouTube Channel, Podcast and social accounts up there. You can subscribe via email at the bottom of this post. This blog is roughly twelve to twenty-four months behind where I currently am in my journey out of religion. It’s important to remember that when reading and commenting. –Sam

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